Here in Northern Pennsylvania we were hit hard by a snowstorm this week. One of my least favorite things in life, and something I found myself SUPER strugging to be anywhere in the neighborhood of grateful for. Driving in snow, especially while it is still coming down, makes me an anxious, nervous wreck. I do it because I have to, but once I get wherever I’m going, I’m basically a big mass of jelly and wobbly nerves.
The morning of the snowstorm I wrote this in my devo journal (obviously you can see where my thoughts were already): “Anxiety won’t get me home in one piece. Only you (God) will.”
I wish I could say that’s where my mind stayed, in a calm assurance that God would take care of me on the road, but that would be a lie. For some reason snow-anxiety has been one anxiety I cannot shake, especially when people come in where I work after we’ve gotten half an inch and say, with eyes wide and popping: “It’s bad out there, girls. REALLY bad. Are they gonna send you home early?” My co-worker and I look at each other, and we both think the same thing: it’s only been snowing a half an hour. GREAT.
For the rest of the work day, one after increasingly fewer other come in and tell us just how awful it is and wish us safe travels. For the rest of the work day, the panic mounts in my chest like a bubbling mass I can feel right behind my rib cage.
Anxiety won’t get me home in one piece, though. Only God will.
By the time we leave, at least two inches has fallen, and it’s still snowing hard. We are only about two hours in to an all-night storm at this point. I say goodbye to my co-worker and begin the trek to my own car when I hear a text notification in my purse. It’s my mom. I had told her only one thing all afternoon: “I’m kinda having a panic attack about driving in this storm.” This is her reply quite a few minutes later: “Your dad will come get you if you want.”
Yes! Please! I almost cry. I struggle with not wanting my dad to come all the way to get me in this storm, but then I look around me and wonder if my little car will even make it home. It’s takes 25 minutes in good weather to get to or from work. In weather like this that could become 45 to an hour depending on what happens in ALL THAT LONG WAY in between. All that long way is what scares me the most.
Yes, Dad. PLEASE COME GET ME.
And so I sit and wait. And watch car after car drive down from the roof of the parking garage COVERED in snow. When my dad picks me up, we drive for over an hour on roads that are the worst I’ve seen in a couple of years. But the whole time, instead of thinking how much I hate the snow, I think of how much I love my dad. Of how GRATEFUL I am for him. And there it is. The silver lining. If you can’t be grateful for the storm, be grateful for what God does in the midst of it.
Anxiety will never get us home in one piece, but God hears the cries of our heart and sends us just what we need to bring us home whole. Sometimes that something or someone is Dad.